Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
