somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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