I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
FUCK WHALES
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
