He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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