I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
