my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
