He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
