I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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