We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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