You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
