You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
