Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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