Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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