Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
