he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
