the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
