I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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