I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
