The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Enjoy the penises
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
