my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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