i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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