R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
