i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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