saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
