I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
