Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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