this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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