I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
