good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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