you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
