Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
we should paint friendship bongs
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
