I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
