the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I could fuck to npr.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
