Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
