they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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