Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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