someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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