Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
