I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
