Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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