he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I have fence marks all over my body
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
