It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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