I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
