The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
