i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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