Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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