Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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