Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
