I need help removing her.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
