Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
