i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
