you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
