Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
