i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
