Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
