I want to walk on stilts...naked
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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