my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
