You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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