If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
