If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
